Thoughts
on Michael Wells’ teachings in My Weakness for His Strength (Vol. 1) - #
357
Michael’s book is
available through:
ABIDING LIFE MINISTRIES INTERNATIONAL
Littleton, Colorado
(303) 972-0859 www.abidinglife.com
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Today’s writing once more gives me an open door to
say that I have considered Michael to be one of the best, if not THE best,
discipleship teachers I have ever known. Remarkable insights into God’s wisdom
that goes right into the face of the worldly wisdom that keeps creeping into
the church at a rapid pace.
This is a thorough and powerful presentation of
fundamental Truth, showing the church’s deviation and departure from it. That
leaves divorce in the church to equal in %’s that of “the world.” Sad.
DAY
242
Sex and Bitterness
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of
bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.
--Hebrews 12:15
"Why should I pretend when I simply do not enjoy sex with my
mate?" "How can you have sex with a husband that you do not
respect?" "How can I continue in a relationship with a wife that I no
longer love?" These are questions often asked. When a husband says,
"I do not love you," his message is really, "You are not
lovable." This seemingly puts the responsibility for his failure to love
squarely at the wife's feet; she is now accountable for becoming "lovable."
The carnal man always excuses his failures by blaming another. His
interpretation of "I cannot love you" is at odds with God's, for love
defined is the desire to do what is best for and to another. The degree of how
unlovable another may be has nothing to do with loving. The motivation to love originates in the person
doing the loving; it is not to be engendered by the one being loved. To
give the behavior of another as an excuse for not loving is merely to condemn
oneself. It is not an acknowledgment of a flaw in the wife, but a proclamation
of a shortcoming in the husband. His true assertion is this: "I am so
self-centered that I will do no good for you unless I am getting something for
myself. My attention is so precious that you must earn it. I am god sitting on
the throne, and until you perform well enough, I cannot take notice of you. I
must be worshipped." The husband can only hope that God does not view him
in this same light.
"I do not respect him, and therefore, I cannot be expected to
have sex with him." To placate the "women's liberation" movement that has come in the
back door of the church, the teaching of mutual submission has gained
popularity. It goes like this: "A woman can only respect if the man is
loving; if the man is not loving, then the woman cannot be expected to
respect." This teaching takes a person full circle and leaves her
immaculately unchanged. In a sense I understand the emphasis, for submission
has taken on the implication of inferiority. However, as I have mentioned
before, submission does
not indicate inferiority. We respect our bosses and submit to them even
when it would be impossible to argue they are better than we are. It is the way
of things, it is order, and it works better than if everyone were to go his own
way. I remember a girl who could not swallow her medication because she had
been told that to take medication was a sign of unbelief. There was a message
attached to the medication; she really was not rebelling against the medication
as much as the message attached to it. Submission and respect have nothing to do with
superiority or inferiority. I remember talking to a young--sixteen years
old--newly married couple. The husband was upset because his wife was not
submitting to his wisdom! Frankly, he had no wisdom! He was looking to her
respect and submission to change something within him; if only she would
change, he would feel better. Respect and submission have nothing to do with
the husband's being wiser or feeling better. A carnal wife rebels at the
thought of respect and submission and excuses the behavior with, "How can
I respect someone who does not love me?" "How can I respect someone
that only wants sex?" "How can I submit to someone who is obviously
inferior?" As one brother said, "Be careful about judging your
husband's lousy discernment. He picked you, did he not?" However, once the
justification for not respecting is laid, the wife will begin to isolate
herself to avoid finding herself in a situation where she would have to
"give" her body. This is primarily accomplished in two ways. First,
she will become extremely critical, looking for every trait and occurrence that
could justify her behavior and withdrawal. Second, she will be so domineering
that her husband withdraws voluntarily; he begins to equate sex with rejection,
becomes weary of the rejection, and automatically removes himself from the
situation. I must say to the wife
the same thing that I said about husbands. To say, "I cannot
respect," is actually to say, "I am god, and you have not performed
adequately to merit my favor." Making the statement, "I cannot
respect," is more a revelation of the wife's spirituality than the
husband's. Respect means to see the significance of another. For a wife to say
she has no respect is to see herself as judge and jury determining who is significant
and who is not. All things have significance, because God created all things
and holds them together. The righteous said to Jesus, "When did we see You
naked, hungry, thirsty, or in prison?" To which He responded, "If you
did it to the least of them, you did it to Me." The heart of the Creator
is found in the very least; there are no insignificant people, no people so low
as to deserve anything less than respect.
Therefore, having defined love and respect and wherein
responsibility lies, the next question to field is obvious. "Okay, I get
the point, but how do I love and respect when I do not feel like it?" We
have no excuse for not loving and respecting, so we must see the true purpose
of love for the husband and respect for the wife. No command is given that is outside of us. Christ is not the Word become
principle, but the Word become flesh dwelling within our hearts. Jesus created
us, He lives in us, and He holds us together. Therefore, what we read of Jesus
is not just text but our texture, the very fiber of our being. The
command to love a wife is not written outside the husband on paper but written
into his very DNA. The command to respect a husband is not written in black and
white outside the wife; it is written in her very nerves, heart, and physical
mind. These commands are not imposed on couples; they are written within them,
and therefore, exposed. I can prove it. I have never found, and never will
find, a woman engaged in not respecting her husband who has a lift in her
spirit, a glowing countenance, or an exuding joy. The same is true for a
husband that refuses to love. In contrast, I have found delightful believers
who radiate the love and glory of God in horrific marriages. These have learned
the secret that love/respect is for their own good and happiness. They do not
like the turmoil that is brought about by personal rejection of God's command
that is written within. Their way is not the
Way. Moving in their way invites chaos into their being and a civil war they
cannot win. Once the husband sees this, his wife's respect and submission are
no longer the issue. He will love regardless for his own peace and happiness.
Her respect is not his issue with her, but her issue with God. The husband is
free and out of the loop. His every waking moment is not spent trying to prove
something. He is free! The same is true for the wife.
Would you be happy? Lay aside
self-merit and justification and then love and respect. You
will find yourself displaying a countenance that others desire.
Yellow – VIP, Very Important Point Green
– IT, Incredible Truth
Red – GP, Greatest Promises
Turquoise – UR, Unfathomable Riches Pink
– PV, Priceless Victory
Could God have made it any more plain and
complete in Hebrews 12:15. Why hasn’t the church made this a top priority?
Unforgiveness and bitterness are so rampant in so many today. Disaster in one’s
own life, and destruction of fellowship with others close by are today’s norm
in many lives.
It would do us well to read and re-read this
day’s writing over and over, year-in and year-out. Marriage is the first
institution God formed. It is important to Him.
So, typically my comments are brief. But
today, I will expand…and begin each comment by quoting something Michael has
said in his writing.
“The motivation to love always originates in the person doing the
loving; it is not to be engendered by the one being loved.”
God in Christians will always Love the mate.
Family. Relationship. Period.
“The carnal man (person) always excuses
his failures by blaming another.”
Carnality is not of God. Carnality is the residue of the old man
still in the New Creation (Believer/Christian). Recognize it. Remove from it.
Return to the New Man we are.
“women’s
liberation movement”
Nothing of such is of God. Christian women should be as far from this as
they would any demonic teaching or action.
“Submission does
not indicate inferiority.”
“Submission and
respect have nothing to do with superiority or inferiority.”
The world, or the devil, always changes definitions, thereby perceptions,
thereby actions. God has established and defined submission and respect. We
need to know His Mind in us on these two.
“No command is
given that is outside of us. Christ is not the Word became principle, but the
Word become flesh (earthsuit) dwelling within our hearts. Jesus created us, He
lives in us, and He holds us together. Therefore, what we read of Jesus is not
just text but our texture, the very fiber of our being.”
Michael says they are “written within us.” Loving our mate is for our
own good. Period.
Michael’s last paragraph is a summary that nails it…
“Would you be happy? Lay aside self-merit and justification and
then love and respect. You will find yourself displaying a countenance that
others desire.”
I would change just one word…pastoral observation…change “happy”
to “full of joy” (Christ’s joy).
Well, amen.
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