Thoughts
on Michael Wells’ teachings in My Weakness for His Strength - # 90
Michael’s book is
available through:
Abiding Life
Ministries International
Littleton, Colorado
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Emotions
are a dramatic part of our everyday life.
What we know about our emotions, how we handle their response to life’s
situations, and whether we are aware that God wants to heal damaged emotions,
constitute a major portion of the reasons so many are living a life controlled
by emotions brought on by past events rather than Truth (Christ).
Michael
gives us a clear picture of the difference the decisions we make at life’s “Y’s”
can make in our lives…sometimes yielding seemingly impossible situations. What about Truth, though? “For with God nothing shall be impossible” (Luke
1:37).
DAY 206
Natural
Emotions in An Unnatural Place
For the sorrow that is according to {the will} {of} God
produces a repentance without regret, {leading} to salvation; but the sorrow of
the world produces death. –II Corinthians 7:10
There are many Y’s in the road of life.
Many have gone right
instead of left, heading down a path from which return is difficult. It
is no secret that the Church today finds itself coping with a subculture in
which extramarital affairs are commonly occurring. How does this happen? There
are the simple, obvious root problems and solutions: “The lust of the eyes, the
lust of the flesh, and the boastful pride of life.” Many are looking for
spiritual needs (love, acceptance, assurance, security, and significance) in
the wrong places. Having experienced rejection from self and others, they look
to another person to love or validate them. An easy solution is repentance and a turning to the One
who does love them. Then there are those who are just plain stupid. I
remember a traveling salesman telling me that he hated staying at a particular
hotel. “There are many single women there, and I always end up having an
affair!” The obvious solution, which apparently had escaped him, was not to go
to that hotel! These are
the easier problems concerning affairs, when at the root there is very little
emotional attachment.
However, when there is emotional attachment, the problems
escalate. It deserves repeating that there is a Way and a not the Way. Jesus is
the Way, and every other way is not the Way. The world's way of
premarital sex and cohabitation is not the Way, and it is a road from which it
is difficult to return. In one survey (not that I trust surveys) 40% of all
affairs took place with a previous boyfriend or girlfriend. Obviously there was
an emotional attachment from the past that was never broken. I am vexed by
every young woman who, having been convinced that she would marry a fellow,
goes to bed with him, and months later she goes to school to find the boyfriend
no longer talking to her and dating someone else. The girl has been living in
an unnatural situation where emotions were expended at a level of marriage, but
life did not make a return on the investment. For the girl it is the turmoil
akin to divorce, but for the boy, a mere switch of dating partners. Some
situations are better left avoided, but many have been told the perfect Way to
live, and if they fall short they cannot see any other avenue.
Often I am asked,
“Is it possible to fall in love with two people?” My answer is, “Of course it
is. That is why I stopped dating once I got married!” It is not difficult to
have emotions for someone other than the mate. Often I draw a circle and call
it “natural situation.”
Within the circle I draw another circle and call it “natural emotions,” wherein one would list
feelings of love and affection for the spouse. Both the emotions and the
situation are legitimate.
Next I draw another circle called “unnatural situation,” and within that circle I draw the same
little circle called “natural emotion.” Here is where I find many who are
having an affair. They have all the natural emotions that come from dating and
spending time with another, and yet they are in an unnatural situation with
someone other than their spouse. Being in such a situation brings no peace and is exactly
why I say that we are to stop dating once we are married. What is the solution
to withdrawing from an unnatural situation? It is difficult, for even though
many actually hate where they are at, they cannot deny the feelings that they
have for another. To simply kill the emotions does not work and will only
produce another unhealthy situation. This is because it is unnatural to attempt
to eradicate natural emotion, which cannot be eliminated cafeteria-style,
exterminating a little here and a little there. The person would be left with
dead emotions in the natural situation of the marriage; he would no longer feel
for anyone.
The reader may be
asking, “What is Mike talking about? It is silly to speak of married people
having feelings for someone other than their mate or married people returning
to their mates and still struggling with emotions for another! If I were the
mate in that situation, I would just say, 'Get a life, and when you decide you
can love only me, then and only then return!'” I know what you are thinking and
understand why you are saying it. However, these are real situations that I
have had to deal with regularly in believers' lives. If the article does not
apply to you, praise God and move on.
For those who find themselves wanting to follow God and
yet being pulled by emotion, what are you to do? Confess the Way! Jesus is the
Way, and every other way is not the Way. Invite Christ into the center of the
situation. Tell Him exactly where you are at and do not hide a thing, for
“power is perfected in weakness.”
Just as an aside, I
visited with a believer who was settled on having an affair. After years of
rejection this believer had found someone who “truly loved” him. I knew no
matter what I said he would go ahead with his plan. Emotions were ruling. After
making my case for the Way, I said, “I know you are going ahead with the
affair. Would you do something for me? Every time you leave the house, invite Jesus to go along with
you. Invite Him into the center of your affair!” The person looked quite
shocked, but I pleaded, “Please, invite Jesus to go along with you. Just pray,
'Jesus, come and go with me.'” The person agreed. Nearly one year later I saw
him again, and he said, “Mike, I did what you asked. I invited Jesus to go with
me always. I have broken off the relationship I thought I could never end. I
have broken it off not because I stopped loving the person, but because Jesus
always went with me and allowed me to move against the emotions.” See how Jesus brings everything
into its natural place? I do not want to cheapen someone’s emotions,
which in themselves are not bad, but the place where they are being exercised
can be very bad. If you
find yourself in an emotional affair, confess it truly, hide nothing, hold
nothing back, tell the Lord, and invite Him into the center of it. He is the
only one Who can move you back to a place of peace (natural emotion in a
natural place). Leave the place of the unnatural by beginning to invite Him in.
We have a God, He is real, and He will make a difference.
One more thing
about affairs is that they need not wreck and destroy the oneness of a couple
any more so than does rape. Soulish
love, mental oneness, emotional oneness, and even physical oneness do not
compare with spiritual oneness. A husband and wife are one in Him, and
nothing will change that. Forget
what is behind, build on your spiritual oneness, and move on. Do not let a
momentary event steal a lifetime of experienced oneness in the Spirit.
Many have gone down a road they should not have. Then
comes the thinking that if only they could go back in time, they would do
something different. Reality is that once they were back in time, they would be
the same persons they were at that time, making the same mistakes. All this is
true, but not the truth. We must end this article at truth, and truth is Jesus. Do
you believe in Jesus? If so, you will answer the following in the affirmative.
Do you believe that God causes all things to work together for good? Yes, all
things, even the stupid mistakes that you have made. Do you believe it? I do,
and I know we can all press on to the high call in Christ Jesus.
Yellow – VIP, Very Important Point Green
– IT, Incredible Truth
Red – GP, Greatest Promises
Turquoise – UR, Unfathomable Riches Pink
– PV, Priceless Victory
Michael gives us such a beautiful truth when he says, “…there is a Way
and a not the Way. Jesus is the Way, and
every other way is not the Way.” But it
is very important for us to be aware: “when there is emotional attachment, the
problems escalate.” This is where the
enemy gets his hooks into many Christians, and many go un-helped in getting
free.
I have highlighted several words, phrases, and sentences in this day’s
writing that are important points worth our serious study. But there is nothing like the Truth Michael
presents to close out the writing. Jesus
is always the Answer…and everything else is not the Answer.
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